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TL;DR: I tried. I failed. I tried again.

Since I brought home my first accidental army of plants from Lowe’s in late March, a lot has been happening on my cracked rental deck. If you’re just joining the shit show, here is the official “Here’s what you missed” breakdown of the last two months of my life.

The Body Count (RIP)

The Squash and Zucchini: Murdered. I lost one of each to the dreaded Squash Vine Borers (SVB). Those little monsters ate them from the inside out before I even knew what hit me.

The Strawberries: Abandoned. I have officially given up on getting any reasonable amount of fruit from them. They are basically just taking up space and mocking me at this point.

The Worm Bin: A total casualty. I tried to start a worm composting bin, failed spectacularly, gave up, and decided to just buy worm castings from the store until I actually have a handle on my daily time management.

The Near‑Misses & Idiosyncrasies

The Cherry Tomato: We survived a brutal Austin storm, but it cost us a massive main limb off my cherry tomato plant. It looks a little lopsided now, but the grit is real.

The Runway Watermelon: I accidentally bought a full‑sized watermelon clone instead of a bush variety. Once my partner and I realized how aggressively massive it was going to get, he dragged that heavy tub of soil off the deck and into the middle of the lawn. We laid down cardboard and mulch to train the vine into a neat “runway.”

The vines ignored the runway completely. Now I’m chasing them around the yard, laying down cardboard wherever they wander so the melons don’t get swallowed alive by the grass.

The Silver Linings (and the 74‑Packet Obsession)

The Compost Tumbler: Despite my complete neglect in actually rolling the bin, the compost inside honestly isn’t looking too bad. Nature is apparently doing the heavy lifting for me.

The Seeds: I finally sat down and counted them. I have purchased 74 packets of seeds for herbs, vegetables, and flowers. Why? Because I want to grow absolutely everything.

But there’s a method to this madness. Beyond just keeping things alive, I want to learn how to dry herbs and flowers to hopefully, maybe, eventually sell them. (Like, duh — I’m absolutely going to sell these; I have a custom Mercedes wagon to fuel now.)

Where We Stand Right Now

After some intense trial and error, I learned that I actually started my brand‑new zucchini and squash seeds correctly… but I totally failed at moving them off the heating mat and setting the overhead grow lights at the right height. The result? They are now hilariously leggy, stretching out like pale little string beans looking for the sun.

But round two is already underway. I currently have 36 seed cells sitting under the grow lights right now.

A massive piece of this journey for me is learning how to do this right. I want all my pest management and farming techniques to be strictly organic and supportive of regenerative agriculture. I’m planning an entire future blog series diving deep into regenerative ag once I actually learn more about it myself, but for now, I’m figuring it out as I go.

That means for this next round of squash, I am deploying every single piece of organic Squash Vine Borer armor known to science. I’ve heard rumors that SVB pressure eases up later in the summer season, but I don’t care. I am still going full Mad Max on these dicks.

So… now you’re all caught up. Here is a quick look at the survivors on the deck (and the runaway watermelon in the yard):

I’ll try to be more diligent with regular updates moving forward…